Uncle Dave's Blog

It occurred to me tonight as I looked at the limited number of posts I have made to my blog and to the even more limited subject matter, that I really do not have shit to say. Well, perhaps more accurately, I have not used my blog to say what is really on my mind.
So do I just continue to add posts as big events occur in my life, or should I start on a new course, and begin blogging about whatever useless drivel comes into my brain?
Yes, that was a rhetorical question. I have already made my decision. I am going to open my thoughts – well most of them – to the world. Some of them may be politically or scatalogically offensive, but that is just the way it is going to be.
Starting tomorrow.
Heheheh!

This is funny. Well, I think so.
First, some background. My pillows usually have three pillow cases on them. And outer one, that just slips on. The next one is a zippered cotton pillow case. These two cases are removed each laundry day and washed. The third, most inward, case is a kind of silky thing that usually stays on the pillow. About once every 6 months I remove it and wash it; doesn’t need more than that.
So anyway, today – laundry day – I remove the first and second layers from one of my pillows, and notice under the thin fabric of the third case, towards the bottom, is something dark and paperish. I think at first that it is the pillow tag, but as I look at it more closely, I notice that it has a bit of green and black, and is really not in the position for it to be a tag. And…is that writing and big numbers on it?
So now I have to explore further. I unzip the case and slide my hand in and already by the touch I know that this has to be money. Is it real money? Fake money? A British pound note from one of my London trips?
Slowly I slide it out and discover, to my delight, that it is indeed a REAL, USA $20 bill!
I do not know how long it has been there. At least 6 months. Nor do I know how it got in there except it must have been in the wash from one of my shirt or pants pockets – or from my mom’s or someone else in the family who was doing laundry.
Or was it…………….THE TOOTH FAIRY???!!! Paying up, with interest, on some long forgotten tooth!!

(Incidentally, this could not have come at a more opportune time, as I had absolutely no cash in my wallet and did not really want to stop at the ATM today!)

Cookies by Douglas Adams (author: “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”)

This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I’d gotten the time of the train wrong.

I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table.

I want you to picture the scene. It’s very important that you get this very clear in your mind.

Here’s the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There’s a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.

It didn’t look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.

Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There’s nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies.

You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know. . . But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn’t do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?

In the end I thought, nothing for it, I’ll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, that settled him. But it hadn’t because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie.

Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice . . .” I mean, it doesn’t really work.

We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away.

Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my [packet of] cookies.

The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who’s had the same exact story, only he doesn’t have the punch line.

(Excerpted from “The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time” by Douglas Adams)

In September 1960, I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and just 75 cents in my pocket.
Their father was gone.

The boys ranged from three months to seven years; their sister was two.

Their Dad had never been much more than a presence they feared.

Whenever they heard his tires crunch on the gravel driveway they would scramble to hide under their beds.
Continue reading “A Nice Christmas Story”

Pictures from my New York Billython and Mary & Keith’s 40th Anniversary are now on my pBase site. Select the link in the sidebar to take you to my pBase Galleries.

View Billy Cities: Places of Interest for BETM Fans

As many of you know, I am not good at doing a “show” review. I have neither the time nor the patience, nor the memory. So, for my most recent adventure, “Uncle Dave’s Second Annual Birthday Billython” (ADSABB), I am doing my usual compiled impression of performances, highs and lows.

I am not one to shy away from saying negative things. I know a lot of BETM reviewers feel they should never post anything negative, especially about the kids, but I disagree. Feel free to disagree with me.

I saw 5 shows between October 3rd and October 7th, and there is no such thing as a bad BETM, but three of these shows were very special, and fourth was really good, and a fifth was a great BETM like they all are.

Before I begin, I would like to mention that Tommy Batchelor is now my sworn enemy for life. He knows this, too. I have been to New York twice in the last 5 months. Both times the little wanker has been injured. When I told him this he thought it was very funny, but he also had the kindness to suggest that I would have to come back. So while I have never seen him perform, I think that he is just an absolutely wonderful, funny and kind young man. However, rumor has it that you should not let him offer you anything edible or chewable!
Continue reading “A Review of 5 Performances of “Billy Elliot, the Musical” – October 3rd – 7th, 2009″

Well, the Billython is over. I am home, safe and unsound!

First, an UPDATE!!! Remember the shoe debacle on my first day, at the hotel near the SFO airport? Remember how I had forgotten my dress shoes at home and so had to make an emergency run to Kohl’s to buy a new pair? So today I get home and look on the bathroom counter where I last remembered seeing them. Not there! So then I looked some more. And guess where I found them? In the backseat of my car where I had placed them before leaving for San Francisco, so I would be sure to remember them!!! Arggghhhh! But I like the new shoes, too!
Continue reading “Uncle Dave’s Second Annual Birthday Billython – Part Seven – Home”

Well, the next 36 hours are going to be pure hell with a drop or two of heaven thrown in.

First of all, the weather has started to turn south. Not too bad yet, but may get worse.

Had breakfast outside at Junior’s again, so weather not horrible or anything. Left one bite of french toast on my plate. It is said that if you throw a coin in the fountain in Paris, keep money on your London Oyster card, or leave a bite of french toast on your plate at Junior’s, you will return. Here’s hoping!
Continue reading “Uncle Dave’s Second Annual Birthday Billython – Part Six (The Last Full Day)”

Thought I would get today started off. Here are my plans for today!

It is another beautiful day, looks nice and clear!!!

Go to breakfast. Was gonna have the Dunkin Donuts that we bought last night, but they suck, so it is off to Junior’s again!

After that I am gonna do some shopping, for gifts and for zip-loc bags.

Lunch after that, and then, at 4 PM, the dreaded conference call/webinar for my new job.

Then, hopefully, a light supper before what should be Alex Ko’s debut as Billy!  7 PM folks! Do not be late!!!
Continue reading “Uncle Dave’s Second Annual Birthday Billython – Part Five”