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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is – why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The blond replies…..”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

1- I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy .
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever; so far, so good
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
34 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work

Thursday, October 20th, 2011.

Today the weather has been very nice so far, comfortably warm and light breeze, no rain.

I had breakfast at Juniors, unfortunately having the sausage in stead of the bacon. Barfed up breakfast about 90 minutes later.

So, after I recovered and felt normal again, I walked up to Central Park and Columbus Circle, then met my friend Cary for lunch at Old Castle Pub.

This was followed by another trip to Central Park, this time with Kindle in hand, and I sat and read the afternoon away.

Continue reading “Uncle Dave’s Stealth Vacation – New York City: October 17th – 24th, 2011: Part 3”

As you may know, I am staying at the Radio City Apartments, which I swore I would not do this time but could not find anything else in my price range that I liked as well.

And if you have read my blog before, you know that i have nicknamed it Firetrap Hotel. Note the following:

Continue reading “Uncle Dave’s Stealth Vacation – New York City: October 17th – 24th, 2011: Firetrap Hotel Update”

Did you know that if you sell your house after 2012 you will pay a 3.8% sales tax on it?
That’s $3,800 on a $100,000 home etc.
When did this happen? It’s in the health care bill. Just thought you should know.
SALES TAX TO GO INTO EFFECT 2013 (Part of HC Bill) Why 2013? Could it be to come to light AFTER the 2012 elections?
REAL ESTATE SALES TAX
So, this is “change you can believe in”?
Under the new health care bill – did you know that all real estate transactions will be subject to a 3.8% Sales Tax? The bulk of these new taxes don’t kick in until 2013 If you sell your $400,000 home, there will be a $15,200 tax. This bill is set to screw the retiring generation who often downsize their homes. Does this stuff make your November and 2012 vote more important?
Oh, you weren’t aware this was in the obamacare bill? Guess what, you aren’t alone. There are more than a few members of Congress that aren’t aware of it either
http://www.gop.gov/blog/10/04/08/obamacare-flatlines-obamacare-taxes-home

Why am I sending you this? The same reason I hope you forward this to every single person in your address book. VOTERS NEED TO KNOW.

Please go here to follow UDLC!

I locked my car.  As I walked away I heard my car door unlock.  I went back and locked my car again three times . Each time, as soon as I started to walk away, I would hear it unlock again!!  Naturally alarmed, I looked around and there were two guys sitting in a car in the fire lane next to the store. They were obviously watching me intently, and there was no doubt they were somehow involved in this very weird situation.  I quickly chucked the errand I was on, jumped in my car and sped away.  I went straight to the police station, told them what had happened, and found out I was part of a new, and very successful, scheme being used to gain entry into cars.  Two weeks later, my friend’s son had a similar happening….

While traveling, my friend’s son stopped at a roadside rest to use the bathroom.  When he came out to his car less than 4-5 minutes later, someone had gotten into his car and stolen his cell phone, laptop computer, GPS navigator, briefcase…..you name it.  He called the police and since there were no signs of his car being broken into, the police told him he had been a victim of the latest robbery tactic — there is a device that robbers are using now to clone your security code when you lock your doors on your car using your key-chain locking device..

They sit a distance away and watch for their next victim. They know you are going inside of the store, restaurant, or bathroom and that they now have a few minutes to steal and run. The police officer said to manually lock your car door-by hitting the lock button inside the car — that way if there is someone sitting in a parking lot watching for their next victim, it will not be you.

When you hit the lock button on your car upon exiting, it does not send the security code, but if you walk away and use the door lock on your key chain, it sends the code through the airwaves where it can be instantly stolen.

This is very real.

Be wisely aware of what you just read and please pass this note on.  Look how many times we all lock our doors with our remote just to be sure we remembered to lock them — and bingo, someone has our code…and whatever was in our car.

Snopes Approved –Please share with everyone you know!!

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
‘You talk?’ he asks.
‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’
The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’
‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’ ‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.
‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’
‘Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.’